You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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