i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
