I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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