Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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