is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
