His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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