remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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