end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
