omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
