you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
