I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
