you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
