I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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