My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
It's just like the Real World with babies
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
