you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I forget how to act sober
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