My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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