I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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