There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
