Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
