i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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