That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
