sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
