He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
