The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
