I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
