Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
