Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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