so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
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