Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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