i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just pee around me
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
