Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
