If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
