I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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