If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
