Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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