Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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