dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
