Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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