Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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