Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
