conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
