My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
