tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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