Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
