entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
