battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
3 2 1 whiskey
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
