May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
