he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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