His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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