JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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