i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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