Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
